You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
