DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
