You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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