i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
