Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
