Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
