we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
