i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
