How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
