Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
