How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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