I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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