My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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