I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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