Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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