And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
