I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
