This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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