Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
