Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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