Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
