So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
