What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
