Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
