I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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