How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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