i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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