I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize