I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
