I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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