A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
