Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
