Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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