I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
