Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
