happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
