we're chasing vodka with high fives
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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