I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
