Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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