You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
