I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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