I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
