Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
