evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
