I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
