Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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