you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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