no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
