we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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