Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
