brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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