I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
