didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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