He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
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Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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