I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
