if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize