the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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