I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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