her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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